Twenty

Something I’ve been missing recently is a sense of family. Being around people who love and care about me no matter what happens. I’ve been getting along with my family here for the most part recently. I tend to just keep to myself a lot of the time. I’ll do homework in my room or just pretend to do homework once it’s all finished just so I don’t have to risk the opportunity of doing something wrong that might cause any sort of confrontation. I’ve been spending more time with my sisters, though. I pick up Nicka after school every now and then. We have nice chats in the car and at home before she locks herself in her room for the remainder of the day. Kiana comes to my room to hang out sometimes, which I like. We talk about life, school, friends, guys, everything and anything. When my dad and step mom were in the Philippines a few weeks ago, Kiana and I would go for walks. We’d go to parks or the beach and just have a good time. In a way, I feel bad for her. Nicka has a close bond with Vangie (Nicka and Kiana’s mom) but there doesn’t seem to be room for Kiana. It’s always the two of them laughing about inside jokes they have or gossiping around the house. I wish Kiana was able to have a good relationship with her mom. She really needs her at this point in her life but at times, she seems to go unnoticed in our family. It’s not like she’s ignored or anything but her parents don’t acknowledge the good that she’s done. Same goes for me and Nicka. They focus on what we’re doing wrong. I haven’t been spending as much time with my dad. I’m sure this pleases my step mom since she seems to believe that if I’m spending time with him, then no one else ever is. The only thing her and I ever talk about is whether or not I have a job yet. Yes, I need one and I’m working on it but it’s not my main priority right now. No, I do not appreciate you breathing down my neck about it all the fucking time. It’s like she has nothing else to say to me. It is not as crucial as she makes it seem. At one point, it was either I get a job or I get kicked out of the house. Thanks for the support, ‘mom.’ That’s another thing I miss. My mom. She never pushed me to do anything, just guided and was there for me when I needed her. Surprisingly enough, I don’t miss Maui right now. I miss my mom and my friends there, but I don’t have a desire to go back. At least not yet.