Twenty-One

It's odd. I've probably made more new friends this year than any other year but I feel the loneliest I've ever been. Last semester I made some awesome acquaintances. Sadly, though, I haven't seen any of them since the start of Spring term. I've found myself to be a bit more confident lately. I've been talking to more people at school and I could potentially become friends with them but for some reason they don't appeal to me. They all seem so bland. My friends have some sort of flair to them. These people just don't. They seem to be doing their own things in their own little worlds. In schools there tends to be that inner circle of people that everyone wants to be a part of. There's one of those here and I couldn't care less about them. Fake and plastic-y I guess would describe them. They're always happy-go-lucky and it gets kinda sickening to see. I feel like there isn't anything connecting me to this place besides school which has been less than enjoyable. I don't feel like I'm getting the college experience at all. I want to be out on my own. I want to start my life. I want a job. I want to live in a dorm or with friends. I want to be happier. The whole college thing so far has been a major let down. I miss my friends. I miss all the people I love. When I'm with them I feel... I can't even begin to explain it. It's like I feel whole. I feel empty here without them. I've been working my ass off this past semester so that I can bring up my GPA and transfer somewhere I would actually like. Right now my two major options are the University of Washington or the University of British Columbia. I could see myself being happy at either school. I honestly would be happy anywhere that isn't this place... which is why I've also added Simon Fraser University and Western Washington University to the list as back-ups. Time doesn't seem to be moving fast enough. I get to see Rox and Chels in a few weeks. I can’t wait. They mean so much to me and I absolutely hate being so far away. I also can’t wait to see my friends in Canada again. Scott, Ben, Nick, Matt, Dan, Nardi, Mazzone. Oh man. Mazzone. What a guy. Things with him and me are just plain complicated. We obviously like each other. Even more obvious is the distance between us. I’d like for us to be more than friends but I don’t think I could ask that of him. I only see him every few weeks, if I’m lucky. I do plan on going to school in Vancouver for a year (not because of him, I promise). But I mean maybe we could give it a shot then, but until that time comes, I just don’t know what to do about us. Oh well. We will see what happens. For now, I need to focus on doing well on my finals and getting a job… joy.